This is the first step. My ex has a pattern of exactly 3 weeks after he breaks up with me to come back. And even then it would be hard to forget them unless they had a meaningless short-term relationship with them with nothing to remember them by. As Ive written about multiple times in my experience, ex boyfriends have a tendency to contact you at the strangest of times. On some level, he has an idea of when he thinks he can reach out. Common. I have blocked and removed her family & friends from all my social media, but I still have a few friends who show me her things about her over posting just how fun she is having. In the beginning he was periodically call me and text me very little now that Im at this point he has been calling me every day as often as multiple times a day. I know that guy and I know he is in a relationship with someone else now. After we split within two weeks he started dating someone else who he is still with. So my ex (31F) broke up with me (26M) over a month ago after a 3 and a half year relationship. So do your best not to make things more painful for you and your ex. Beware of that. She told me she couldnt compromise. Towards the beginning of this guide I went on this whole rant about how the no contact rule can still be working even if your ex doesnt contact you. Of course, if you and your ex-partner have children together, then you will inevitably need to discuss issues regarding your kids. If you ever talk to her, it should be her idea not yours. In other words, in that massive guide I actually recommend that you are the first one to make contact with your ex after the no contact period. While it is always important to find that delicate balance between logic and emotions it is also important to remember that the mere fact that your ex is trying to get back at you through the use of his silence means he is feeling emotions. All these things will affect your emotions and your thoughts. Its been 5 months and no contact. I started no contact actually immediately, but she initiated contact 4 times over the break up period, and I always replied shortly, because it was about money or some other things, but she never stated she missed me or something like that. I honestly do not know what to do now because I am heart broken and feel shattered. Perhaps he just doesnt want a relationship with me. Hope you get better soon. Even if your willpower is strong, it is not uncommon to go weak at the knees upon receiving a text or phone call from your ex-partner. I even though I still love her, there wasnt any choice but to end it. You see, every day when I wake up I do one of two things. Answer (1 of 6): It more than likely means that your ex wants no part of you. Lets say that you are using the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend. Often times it is doing the things that scare us most that yield the greatest results. Well, one thing that you can automatically assume is that a guy who doesnt contact you during the no contact period always has a bit of stubbornness to him. This is oftentimes for the best as unhealthy, abusive, and stagnant relationships need to end. It's All About Getting Control To Deal With Your Ex This is where No Contact is important. Your email address will not be published. Neither of us have contacted one another. What about when you were a little bit older and saw something at the store that you really wanted but they were simply silent to your request? You can do this! He called after a week that he wants to talk about his feelings and wants to focus on starting a family. Such people probably dont remember that one person they hooked up with once. That Friday 5 days after the argument she sent me some messages in the evening, we were speaking until 2am, she told me she had started online therapy and it was for 15 days she told me she felt she was missing the chance of her life with me she couldnt imagine life without me and she needs me in her life, I felt happy she had told me these things and thought we were going to sort it out between us. Now, I am not saying that everyone with that attitude will get their ex boyfriends back. Ive stated to her when she broke up with me that I would never come back, and she told me she wanted me to come back but as a friend. Secondly, I can tell you that I am absolutely thrilled when a girl takes the initiative to message me. Assuming that your guy has followed the progression I outlined above and is holding resentment towards you for the breakup that occurred you can probably expect the following things to be going on in his mind: You can always expect a little bit of stubbornness to be involved when it comes to someone using silence as revenge. I want you to close your eyes and imagine something with me for a moment. Xo. 3. Taking his or her focus off you and putting it on something or someone else would allow your ex to distance himself or herself from issues that created a lot of negative emotions. Your ex might have unfriended you on social media, but there could be a range of reasons why they haven't blocked you. It wants what it wants and eventually it wore my pride down and a few days later I sent that message. I have no idea but my ex did the same thing, 5 months after our last talk, he blocked me. I dont know if many of you know this but this website wasnt actually supposed to be a blog. Following the no contact rule with you may be their way of protecting themselves, or they could be using it to show their displeasure with you. It really depends on what is going on in your exs life and Isuppose I could say maybe 2 months for each phase. This means your ex will think about you more during no contact if things dont go according to plan. Too often do I run into someone who completely misunderstands the purpose of the no contact rule (again read this article for a refresher.). Your job as a dumpee, therefore, is to allow your ex to relieve pressure, anger, or guilt and enjoy life without interruptions and reminders of you. One of the most interesting trends I found relating to the no contact rule is that the women that have the attitude that I outlined above always seem to do well in the big picture when it comes getting their ex boyfriends back. I wanted to impose the No Contact rule but eventually I broke it. Believe me when I say it takes a man who is incredibly stubborn to not contact you during a 30 day NC period. And when she does, b/c she will, you will need to be a different kind a man. I also didn't ever reach out to her and talk to her! No one wants their ex to be prying into their business after the breakup. A few months ago I got a message from a woman whose ex hadnt contacted her during her no contact period. Too many people fail to realize that being in love has one big negative, loss. My Ex Won't Talk To Me No Matter What I Do. People often ask me, Will my ex forget about me during no contact? You are worthy of love. The worse life treats your ex, the more likely it is that your ex will remember you, ponder about you, contact you, and reconcile (or try to reconcile) with you. If anything, they are going to use you to get over you, and then discard you when they meet someone else. Sometimes it really pays to be the first one making the move on your ex because not only can you control things a little bit better it is always kind of nice when a guy feels wanted. I remember one time where there was someone I really wanted to talk to. Be the one to end the conversation. I am about to put one of the most asked questions on this site to rest today. Someone will give you the experiences you crave and make you happy. However, I still did not feel confident as a woman, I did not feel that we were planning the future together. So far we have talked about the progression that a guy goes through (in his mind) if he is going to get back at you. Dont remember? The first person to reach out loses the game and they will refuse to lose that game. I feel for you.its painful losing someone you love. Take your time when it comes to responding. Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees? So my boyfriend and I broke up a little bit less than a week ago on Thursday, and I havent texted or talked to him since Friday, implementing the no contact rule. When you couple this resentment with the no contact rule you get what we are talking about here with an ex trying to get back at you. Now, this brings up an interesting question. But then again, you dont want your ex to think about you in a bad light. Also, I have the option to move out of state for a new job.should I take that, or continue to be in the same city, despite her not knowing where I am etc. Its crucial to retain your dignity and self-worth in your exs eyes when he or she says you arent good enough. The truth is that he doesnt really need to contact you. I contacted some close friends to talk to him but he said he wants nothing to do with me. Also, I enjoyed reading your 5-stages of grief for the dumper. It cant erase the past or focus on the present so strongly that it stays distracted forever. Recently I called him during the day but he didnt pick and so I decided to send him a message enquiring why he was not picking my calls. Anxiety sucks tbh Im a good person i surely showed that to her and her family. For example, if you go into this and literally think to yourself: You know what, he doesnt owe me a thing. He suddenly flared up and told me he does not want to have anything to do with me and he has blocked me on all social media platforms. I know that was an incredibly weird picture for me to paint right now but the point I am trying to make here is that your ex boyfriend knows that deep down HIS silence will hurt you and its his only way of getting back at you without actually seeming crazy. On the things that she wants to do.. coz I cant be in a relationship where only one person is doing it all. I cant understand why he has done this as hes always been so set on being with me. Well, like I explained above. You had no say in the matter. Thats when i decided to call it quits. If you think that no contact is guaranteed to: Then I have some really bad news for you. If you stay friends with your ex, right after the break-up, you are going to suffer and stay friends until you choose to go separate ways. Why does she feel like shes more of a babysitter to you?? You agonize and fret about what your ex is thinking and feeling at that moment of no contact. It could be that they want to keep tabs on you, or they're hoping to get back together with you one day. He may discover what he actually was experiencing before when he said he was "tired of you," was just the normal up and down of relationship. Its just the way it works. If you are an avid reader of this site then you have probably come across my massive 10,000 word guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am doing no contact but he had already been pretty silent. All of the sudden, they are telling you that he has gone MIA on them and not returning their texts or attempts to get ahold of him. That battle between the pride and the heart is what your ex could be going through if he is experiencing what we are talking about here. GIPHY. To make your ex boyfriend miss you right? Well, today we are going to be tackling one of the most asked questions when it comes to the no contact rule. Hi V, so I would suggests that you reach out at day 30 since you were getting along well. He wanted to meet and said that he understood that he loves me but is not ready to propose. Breaking up is hard on both parties. You will never find the respect and commitment you deserve with her. With the help from my friends I started to notice that this relationship aint going anywhere. I just wondered if there was any advice on what happens now? And because of this i have been so disrespectful to her. Hope that you have moved on and are happy with your self. This guide is going to be looking at that situation specifically and breaking it down from your side and your ex boyfriends side. Then said bye. In other words, they get addicted to the compliments and admiration they get in a relationship and they convince themselves that the girl has to do all the work. Required fields are marked *. However, his pride is telling him not to do it. That reason is that your ex doesn't want to get back with you. She might look happy, but shes thinking about you. And if you want to confide in us instead, do that by signing up for breakup coaching with us. dont Give her the satisfaction of oh here he goes contacting me again become a ghost to her and let her reach out to you. So, do yourself a favor and dont turn into that on me. And you will be looking at all the pictures they upload. My bf and I were together over 6 years. However, the one constant when it comes to learning about the ex recovery process is the fact that this process is very complex and can be very hard to understand at times . I have already defined what the no contact rule is in the opening paragraph of this guide but I havent really talked about what the purpose of it is. Should I message him or move on ? When you were a small baby and they neglected you for even a few seconds what did you do to get their attention? How do I know this? Thanks! Don't answer his messages, don't visit his social media profiles, remove him from your fb feed so you don't receive the daily updates. My boyfriend ended our 5 and a half year relationship by saying he wasnt happy. I was hurt deeply and Im just starting to feel better. There are two main reasons why your ex (who consistently treated you poorly), unfollowed you on social media: He just can't. He's hurt either by you or by having to see your photos. Do you think theres a way back for us? Remember, your main goal here is to get your ex back and in order to do that communication is key. The odd thing Ive put on social media hes never viewed. Ok, so most men are more than happy to feel victimized if they were the one who had to initiate the breakup. Avoid letting your ex step you back from healing. You have been in the no contact period for about 10 days but he hasnt contacted you. I have heard nothing. but I will appreciate your opinion about my story. This guide is going to cover things like: By the time you finish this guide I want you to sit back and think to yourself: That was the most insightful guide on the no contact rule that I have ever read.. That brings me to my next point. Work was busy etc. I dont mean her full attention towards me, i even asked only a little of her time. I have just started NC for 30 days with a guy who is dealing with a lot of stuff & while deep down I believe he loves me as he will come back when he is feeling better and remembers nostalgic memories/things Ive told him from the time weve known each other but when things are bad for him he goes in self-sabotage, self-destruct and generally hates everyone and everything. That's why he's putting emphasis on texting. It looks like you had a horrible breakup and developed a bad mentality toward your ex. 5,880 views Mar 15, 2021 So your ex unfriended you on Facebook and you are wondering why this happened. We spoke the following Tuesday for an hour. Following the no contact rule puts the power back in your hands. 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